You can't lose what you never had by Alexandra Gehrke - sassa_83@hotmail.com ~

Chapter 1 ~

Two months ago my mum had decided to move to Sligo, Ireland. And now when all our stuff had been moved it was time for us to fly to Dublin and after that take the car up to Sligo. As we were sitting in the plane my brother started to bug me. "Alex had to break up with her boyfriend, Alex had to break up with her boyfriend!" "Robin, shut up!" I said and tried to ignore him but it was to hard. He made faces and I had to sit on my hands to keep them from slapping him. My mum who was sitting in front of me turned towards me and my brother and just looked at us. "Can't you be nice to each other? The flight is going to take four hours and no one wants to hear you argue. I know that you loved Johan, and I'm sorry about this, but I had no choice. Be nice, ok?" Mum turned around again and I could see that she was upset. She never showed us her emotions but I knew what she was going through. My dad had got killed in a car-accident a year ago, and because of her emotions mum couldn't stay in Sweden. She loved my dad very much and his death had made her really sad. I got up from the seat and walked the two steps to my mumÕs seat. I kneeded in front of her and put my hand on her knee. "I'm sorry mum, I know you loved dad, cause so did I, but I loved Johan too, and I can't understand why you had to move to Ireland of all places. I didn't even want to move!" "I'm sorry honey. But I think you will like Sligo. From the things I saw in the ad, it looked like a nice place, and you know that they say that the Irish people are really nice people." I tried to hide my feelings, but I just couldn't do it. I was angry, upset and sad at the same time. thinking that no one could take JohanÕs place, but how wrong wasn't I to be? Four hours later we arrived at Dublin international airport, and even though I didn't want to admit it, Dublin was a beautiful city. Mum saw that I was amazed but she didn't say anything although I could see her expression telling me 'I told you so'. "Just because I think it's a lovely city it doesn't mean that I want to live here." I said and gazed outside the window again, as we sped through Dublin and the beautiful country known as Ireland.

~ Chapter Two ~

A few hours later I woke up and realised that the car had stopped. I saw a big house and wondered if it was the one my mum had been talking about. "Take your stuff and I'll show you your room!" Mum said and pushed me out of the van. "Take it easy mum! I can walk by myself. I've got two legs you know!" I said and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. As I walked towards the house I spotted a middle aged woman coming across the street towards us. She was walking hand in hand with someone, who I thought was her husband, and was right. "Welcome to Sligo! My name is Patricia Egan and this is my husband Kevin. We live across the street and if you want anything or need anything don't be afraid to ask" the lady said to my mum with a smile on her face. " Hi I'm Britt-Marie and this is my daughter Alexandra." my mum said and pointed at me. "Hi! Nice to meet you." I said and shook their hands. "The same." The woman, Patricia said." I think you will like it here. Sligo is a beautiful city. "I bet it is" I said." I don't mean to be rude, but I have to go and unpack me things" "It's ok." Patricia looked at me and smiled. Then she turned to her husband and gave him an asking sigh. "Do you think Ki could...?" "I don't know. We can always ask" Kevin said. "Alexandra?" Patricia looked at me again. "Yes?" "Do you mind if our son shows you a bit of Sligo some day?" "No, not at all. It would be actually be quite nice." "I'll talk to him, and then I'll let you know how it turned out, ok?" "Ok." I said and went then inside our house. Patricia turned to Kevin again. "I think we'd better go back now honey." "Oh, it's ok. I don't mind you being here." My mum said and looked at the middle-aged couple in front of her. "We don't want to take more of your time" Kevin said and smiled. "Oh, then maybe you want to come and join us for sinner someday? As soon as we have got our stuff in order that'll say" mum said. "It sounds nice. We have to accept the invitation. Just let us know when the dinner will be" Patricia said "Of course." "It was nice meeting you." Kevin said, and with that he and his wife went back to their own house.

~ Chapter three ~

The house was really nice. It wasn't big, but it was big enough for the six of us. It was my mum, my brothers Jimmy, Kim and Robin and me and my sister Daniella. "Alex, can you do me a favour?" mum called from the kitchen "Sure what is it? I said and walked into the room. "Can you go to the Egan«s and ask for a cup of flour? I need it for the sauce, and I haven't had time to do the groceryshopping yet. I looked at my mum. She was busy cooking dinner. "Why can't you do as normal persons and order some fastfood? But ok, I'll be right back then." I said and went across the street. As I stood in front of the Egan«s house I rang the doorbell and turned my back at the door just to see what was happening on the street; nothing. suddenly I heard a voice behind me, and when I turned around I saw a guy who was a few years older than me with the bluest eyes I had ever seen. "Can I help you?" he said with a smile on his face as he was looking me right in the eyes. "Hi" I said and smiled back at him. "Did you want anything in particular, or are you just going to stand there all day?" "Ehmm... I don't know" I said and felt how I started to blush." I've seem to forgot" "Oh don't worry. That can happen the best. You are new here right?" "Yeah, we have just moved in. I think I met your mum earlier." "My mum? So you are Alexandra?" he said and gave me a big dazzling smile. "Yes, I am. And you are?" "I'm Kian. Nice to meet you!" "My pleasure." "Do you still don't know what you came here for?" "Well actually, it just crossed my mind. Is Patricia, your mum home?" "No, she's out shopping. Why?" I, my mum actually, needs a cup of flour for her sauce. We haven't had time to do our grocery yet." "Nothing else? Come in and I'll give you some. Believe me or not, but I actually know where we have our flour. "Oh, so you say so? Ok."

~ Chapter Four ~

He closed the door behind me and then we went into the kitchen. I seated myself on a chair next to the kitchen-table and watched him walk around in the room. He saw that I was watching him so he stopped walking around and looked at me instead. "What are you looking at?" he asked "You." I said and smiled "Really? Why?" "I have nothing else to look at. I mean, it's not so exciting to look at a fridge, is it?" "Really? So you think it's more exciting to look at me?" "Ehmm...yeah." I said and started to laugh. "Here's the flour, and if you are nice, I'll let you come back another day to watch the microwave." "Must say that it sounds really exciting so I have to accept the offer. I've got to go now, but it was nice talking to you." I said and gave him a smile. "Yes, I must say that it was nice meeting you." Kian said and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "I'll see you someday won't I?" "Of course you will. I live across the street. Remember?" "How could I forget?" "I don't know." is aid and with that I walked out of their house back to our own. Back in the kitchen, mum stared at me, and I couldn't stand it. "What?" I said "What took you so long? I thought I told you to walk across the street, and not to the other side of Sligo. tell me. I can see that you met someone." "Yeah. You know Patrica and Kevin?" I said Mum who had turned around, turned towards me again and looked at me. "I met their son, Kian, and he invited me to their kitchen to wait for the flour there." "So he was that handsome?" I looked at mum in surprise. "Yes, he was that handsome!" My mum and I had always had a strong bond between us, and she could, just by looking at me, see if I thought someone was handsome or not. And Kian was definitely all that! "Didn't Patricia ask you if it was okay if their son showed you a bit of Sligo someday?" mum said. "Maybe Kian is the son she was talking about." I felt how my heart suddenly stopped. "What did you say?" I asked as I tried to hide my expression. "I said, maybe Kian is the son she was talking about." No he couldn't. why would he do something like that?" I said and looked away. "I bet he has other more important things to do, than to show a total stranger his hometown." "Maybe, maybe not..."

~ Chapter Five ~

I walked out of the kitchen and into my room, and when I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, I could only see Kian smiling at me. Without knowing it, I fell asleep and woke up three hours later with the feeling that someone was watching me. I turned my head and saw someone stand in the doorway. As I thought it was my brother Jimmy, I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. "Go away! I was sleeping and it was very nice! What do want?" I said and lay my head on the pillow again. "Is that the way you treat your guests in Sweden?" the guy asked and when I heard his voice I realised that it wasn't my brother. I sat up and saw that it was Kian. "I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?" I said and started to blush. "No you didn't. But why do you throw the pillow at me in the first place?" Kian said as he walked towards me to give me my pillow back. "I thought you were my brother." "Oh, I see. So that is how you treat your siblings?" he asked with a smile on his face. " I hope you're nice to your friends anyway." "Depends on who it is." I said and lay the pillow under my head. "But do you always walk into someoneÕs room without asking?" "Depends on who it is..." he said and gave me a rascal look. I started to laugh at the sigh of him and he started to laugh too. I realised that he had stopped laughing and was now looking at me. "So what did you want?" "Well, mum asked me if I wanted to show you around and after having a private moment with you in our kitchen, I just couldn't resist it." "Couldn't you resist it, or me? I said and looked at him. I noticed that he got surprised, so trying to break the silence I got up from bed and walked to my closet, which still was three big boxes. "What did you have in mind? Am I suppose to wear anything special?" "No, you can wear whatever you want. I was thinking that we could drive go-kart." He looked at me, and when I turned away I could feel his eyes on my back. "Have you done it before?" I turned around again." Of course I have! I'm the queen of go-karts!" I said and smiled. "Oh, really? Though I'm the king of go-karts, we have to find out who's the best!" "Is that a bet or a challenge?" "A challenge, of course." "Ok. When?" I looked at Kian. He had come up behind me and when I had turned around again to face him, I had almost touched his lips with my lips. "What about tomorrow? At noon." "you have a competitor, Mr Egan. and you can see yourself as beaten." The next day I woke up kind of late. My mum came into my room and told me that it was a phonecall for me. I didn't know who it was so I put my dressing gown on and went into the living-room. "Hallo?" I said after I had picked up the phone. "Hi, this is Kian." I heard that he had a soar throat and that he had trouble speaking. "I have some bad news for you Alex." "Kian, go to bed and get well." "How did you know that I was going to say that we had to cancel our challenge?" Female intuition...guys only call the same day as the 'date' is suppose to be if they're going to cancel it. but except that, I can hear it on your voice." I said. "Don't even think about it. Although I was looking forward to it, you can make it up to me some other day, okay?" "Okay, you're an angel!" "Thanks. Most people say that." "I suppose so, and they are right..." he said. And I was shocked by hearing those words coming from him. I had only knew Kian for two days. "I'll call you when I get better, ok?" "Ok. And go to bed now, cause that is what I'm going to do.2 "I will."

~ Chapter Six ~

We said goodbye and I hung up. Kian and I had spent the last night talking about nothing and everything and playing pool. I ended up winning all the time and it made him a bit grumpy. I went back to my room and my bed. But although I wanted to sleep I couldn't. I wasn't tired anymore, the only thing I could think about, was Kian. I had had so much fun with him that I hadn't thought of Johan once that evening, and it felt so good. I knew that Johan had forgotten about me by now so I decided to do the same. I got up from bed and took a shower and washed my hair. It felt really good to be clean after all those hours I had spent in a box, unpacking my stuff. When I had got clothe and had eaten my breakfast, who had become my lunch, I went for a walk in the city. It was a nice city with happy people everywhere I looked. It amazed me that all the people I met had a smile on their faces, but though it made me glad, I didn't care about it. Maybe I had found my place to be, who knew? I definitely didn't. I had so many thoughts going through my head at the same time, and in same way, everything had something to do with Kian. It didn't matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get him out of my head. I decided to do something about it so I went into a store and bought him something that always cheered me up when I was sad, or in this case, ill. I didn't know why, but I felt responsible for making him cold or whatever he was. Probably I was the one who had made him sick, so therefor I went to him and his familyÕs house. I rang the doorbell and a girl opened the door. She seemed to be a few years younger than me, and when I saw that her smile was identical with Kian«s smile, I realised that it was his sister. "Yes can I help you?" the girl said and smiled. "Yes. I'm Alexandra." I said. "Is Kian home?" "Hi I'm Marielle. Yes, Ki is home. I think he's in the living-room watching some TV. Do you want me to get him for you or do you find the way?" "I think I'll find the way. But thanks anyway." I said and Marielle let me in." You've got a beautiful house." "Thanks. Mum was the one who did all the decoration." I went pass the kitchen to the living-room, and Marielle was right. In the sofa Kian sat watching a movie. I came up behind him and whispered a few words in his ear. "Hello stranger. How are you feeling now?" I said. I seemed to have scared him, because he looked like he had seen a ghost. "Did I scare you?" "Hi...better...yes you did..." "What?" "Hi. I feel better now and yes, you scared me. I didn't expect seeing you here." He looked at me." But now when you are here, do you want to keep me company?" he said and smiled at me. "Well, actually, I thought you would ask that so I brought something to you." I gave him the paperbag, and when he saw what was in it, he smiled even more. "You are my rescuer in need." He said and kissed me on my cheek." This was exactly was I needed. How did you know?" "I didn't. But I feel always a lot better after I eat ice-cream and cookies." I seated myself on the sofa next to him." I didnÕt know what sort you liked so I just picked one. Hope you like..." I picked up the ice-cream. "...vanilla." "It's perfect. Thanks!" "You're welcome. I'd do anything to make you feel better so we can have our challenge." "So you don't care about me?" Kian said and looked me straight in the eyes, and he looked like a sad puppy. I didn't know what to say, so I told him the thrush. "Of course I care about you. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here, would I ?"

~ Chapter Seven ~

It seemed that Kian was out of words. He looked at me without saying or doing anything at all. I looked him in the eyes and smiled. His eyes touched me in a special way. I felt that he was watching me closely. I thought that he looked at me in a way that he hadnÕt done before, but I refused thinking that this wonderful guy was attracted to me. After all, I was 14 and he wasÉwell older than meÉ17 I think he had said. "What are you looking at?" I asked and looked at him. "You." He said cautiously. "ThereÕs something special about you Alex, but I canÕt put my finger on what it is." "I hope it is something good." "ThereÕs only good things about you. Believe me or not, but thatÕs the way it is." I felt how my heart started to beat faster when I saw him lean forwards to me. "KianÉI donÕt thinkÉ" he stopped and looked at me. "I donÕt think this is such a good idea." "What? What isnÕt a good idea?" he asked. "I donÕt know. Whatever you were trying to do." He started to laugh and I felt how my face turned red. He took his finger and removed something from my face. "this was what I was trying to do." He showed me what he had on his finger and when I saw that it was one of my eyelashes, I started to laugh too. "HereÉmake a wish and blow it away." Kian said. I looked him in the eyes and blew the eyelash away. "There. It wasnÕt so bad, was it?" "No, it wasnÕt. I feel so stupid." I said "What did you think I would do?" My face was still red and because of that, I couldnÕt face him, so I turned away. "What is it?" he tried to turn me around. "Did I say something wrong?" "No. ItÕs just so very ridiculous. I canÕt believe that I actually thoughtÉ" Now I had turned around again. "You thought what?" He started to tickle me and I tried to escape from him, though it was impossible. "Come on, tell me!" "Ok, but just if you stop tickling me!" "What if I donÕt want to stop?" "Then you wonÕt find out what I was about to say." "Damn, an ultimatum. Ok, I want to hear what you were about to say, soÉIÕll stop tickling you." "Thank you." "So tell me!" "I will. I thoughtÉitÕs so embarrassing! But okay, I thought you were about to kiss me."

~ Chapter Eight ~

Kian didnÕt say or do anything. He just looked at me. After a little while, he took my hand and smiled. "Well, even though it wasnÕt what I was about to do, itÕs definitely something I will keep in mind. Someday maybeÉ" The day became evening and the evening went by fast. I felt so relaxed when I was with Kian. We had talked about everything, and I had told him why we left Sweden, although I didnÕt tell him everything. I couldnÕt manage to tell him about my dad. I still hadnÕt got over his death, so even if I wanted to tell him, I couldnÕt. As I was sitting in the sofa with Kian watching a film, I heard that my cellphone rang. I rushed over to my bag and answered. "Oh, hi mum! IÕm with KianÉin their house. DonÕt worry, IÕm fineÉweÕre watching a film and IÕll go home as soon as it endsÉOkay, fine. Bye.2 I went back to Kian where he was sitting in the sofa watching me. "it was my mum. She just wanted to know where I was, and when I said that I was with you, she calmed down." "ThatÕs good." Kian said and moved closer to me, when I had seated myself again. "Do you have to go now?" "No. I said that IÕll go home when the film ends." "Good." He said and took my hand. "You know that you can stay as long as you want to, right?" "Now I do." The week went by fast and because of the fact that all the other families were on holidays abroad. I spent most of my time with Kian and he didnÕt seem to have anything against spending some time with me. One morning when I was sleeping in my bed, I woke up of the fact that someone was jumping in my bed. As a reaction I took my pillow and threw it on the person who was jumping, and when I heard a very familiar voice saying that it hurt, I looked up and saw that it was Kian. "This is the second time you threw your pillow at me." I looked at him. "Then you should know by now, that if you wake me up that brutal I get mad." I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. "What do you want?" He pulled me out of my bed and gave me my tracksuit that was laying in my closet. "You and I are going to play some football with one of my friends." I looked at him and gasped. "When?" "WeÕre suppose to meet him in an hour, so hurry up." "ItÕs easy for you to say. You have been up for hours and I havenÕt even showered yet." "You donÕt have to do it now, but you have to do it afterwards, ok?" He pushed me out of my room and into the bathroom. "IÕll go down and make some breakfast, and youÕll go in there and do whatever you have to do."

~ Chapter Nine ~

I made a face letting him know that I wasnÕt very happy with getting up 10 AM in the morning. Especially not when I had been up all night talking to my cousine Vicki over the phone. "Alex, your breakfast is ready!" I heard Kian shout from the kitchen. "Come on! WeÕre late." "IÕm coming, IÕm coming." I said as I put my hair up in a horsetail and went into the kitchen. "HereÕs your teaÉcan you please hurry up?" he sat down. "Ki, calm down. It has only gone 15 minutes since you dragged me up from my beautysleep." He looked at me. "If you donÕt have anything to do, but sitting there, staring at me, can you go in to my room and get my football-shoes? TheyÕre in the closet. To the left." He nodded and went to get my shoes. When he came back he had brought my gloves too. "Why do you have goaliegloves?" he asked. I got up from the chair and showed him my number Ô1Õ on my tracksuit-trousers. Then I got seated again. "So you have been a goalie?" "Yepp. I was the first keeper till we moved. IÕve played in a club since I was about five. But before that I used to play with my onkels." "Were you good?" "I think so. I was one of StockholmÕs four best goalies. SoÉ" "So I donÕt stand a chance, right?" he smiled. "Right." I said and smiled back at him. "IÕm ready now. Shall we go?" "Yes." He took our stuff and went out to the hall. "IÕm just gonna tell mum." "No need to, IÕve already spoken to her. She let me in this morning and said that it was nice of me to take you out. Although I think she thought I was a bit crazy, just because itÕs so early in the morning." We went out of the house and I closed and locked the door behind us. As we were walking to the football-field Kian started to play with the ball. He kicked it over to me and I kicked it back to him. "Come on Alex, youÕre suppose to juggle with the ball. You can do that, canÕt you?" He started to get on my nerves by now. "Of course I can, maybe I just donÕt want to. I havenÕt woken up yet." "Are you kidding? IÕve been up since 8 oÕ clock- Do you Swedes always sleep till noon?" "Yes, we do. Not everyone though." "Just you right?" I kicked the ball at him. "Watch your mouth mister! You may end up getting hurt!" It didnÕt take long for us to go to the football-field, and when we were fifty meters from the field, both Kian and I spotted a guy who was playing with a ball. Kian ran over to him, when he saw that it was his friend.

~ Chapter Ten ~

"Alex, hurry up! ThereÕs someone I want you to meet." "IÕm coming." I went to the two boys who were talking to each other, "Alex, this is Mark. HeÕs one of my best friends." I looked at the dark-haired guy in front of me. "Hi." He said. "Hi. Nice to meet you." I said and looked at Mark. I turned to Kian. "How long have you two known each other?" "How long? I would say about five years. What do you say Mark, itÕs something like that right?" "Yeah, I think so." Mark looked at me and then at Kian. Then he looked at me again. "What?" I asked Mark when I couldnÕt understand what he was looking at. "OhÉnothing. Shall we play today or what?" "Catch me if you can!" I said and ran away from there with the ball. I could see and I knew that both Kian and Mark were coming up behind me. I had only five meters left to the goal when I felt two arms around my waist. I kicked the ball into the goal and was then turned around by the person who was holding me. "Mark, let go of me!" I looked into his eyes. They were almost as blue as Kian«s eyes, but they had definitely the same deep. "I will, but not until I have said what IÕm gonna say." I looked at him in surprise. "Go on, what is it?" He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear. "I think Kian is in love with you." Mark said and the he let go of me. Now I was even more confused. I didnÕt know what to say and Mark just went to the goal to get the ball. I sat down on the grass and pretended that I had to tie my shoelace. I looked at Mark again and he just nodded. Was it true? Was Kian attracted to me, and did he really like me? The questions floated around in my head. I didnÕt see Kian coming up behind me, and when he sat down on the grass next to me, I got so scared that I almost screamed. "Damnit Kian! You scared the hell out of me." He looked at me and I could see the love in his eyes. In some way I knew that he didnÕt want to scare me, but that didnÕt stop him from starting to laugh. "You should have seen the look on your face." He said. "It wasnÕt funny!" I said and saw that he now laughed even more. "Yes it was!" he said. I punched him in his stomach and went then over to Mark. We started to play with the ball, and when I looked at Kian, I could see that he was watching every move I made. I didnÕt feel uncomfortable with him looking at me. To be honest I kind of liked it, and I also started to like him. He was always so good to men and everytime I saw his eyes I felt so safe and secured. After a while Kian joined me and Mark and we played football for hours. When the clock stoke 7 PM, the three of us decided to go home. It wasnÕt very late, so we were going to go out and party. We were going to meet at Carlton CafŽ which was a cafŽ where the parents of another friend of Kian, Shane, worked.

~ Chapter Eleven ~

When I came home, the house was empty. No one was there. It all seemed a bit weird so I went into the kitchen to see if my mum had left a note or something likely. There on the kitchen-table a note lay. I saw that it was my motherÕs handwriting so I started to read. "Alexandra. They called from Sweden, right after you had left with Kian this morning. Grandfather had have a heart-attack and his condition was very critical. I left with all the others. I have spoken to Patricia about you being alone and she said that you could come over to them if you wanted. You and Kian seem to get along very wellÉ. I wonÕt be gone for long, but though I know youÕre in good hands (with Kian), I have nothing to worry aboutÉI hopeÉ IÕll call you tonight so donÕt go anywhere. Love you! Mum!" I didnÕt know what to do so I just stood there, holding the note in my hand. My plans for tonight had been ruined, but I cared about my grandfather more the I cared about a party, so I went out in the living-room and picked up the phone. I dialled Kian number and when he answered, I told him everything and also that I couldnÕt come along that night. He asked me if I wanted him to come over, but I told him not to, "Ki, itÕs okay. You donÕt have to. IÕm gonna take a shower, watch some TV and then IÕm gonna go to bed." I paused. "Thanks for the offer but I donÕt want you to baby-sit me. I manage just fine. You go out with Mark and Shane and just have a great time. Party for me too, ok?!" "Of course, sweetie. IÕd do anything for you." I didnÕt know if he was kidding or not so I agreed with him. "The same here." "IÕll call you tomorrow then?" he said and sounded a bit worried. "Sure. And KianÉ?" "Yes?" DonÕt worry, IÕll be fine. I promise! Got to go, but have a good time now." "IÕll try, but I canÕt promise anything." "Ok. Bye." "Bye." After I had put the phone down I looked outside though the window and saw that my siblings had forgotten their toys on the frontyard, so I went out to go and get them. As I stood in the grass I felt how something sent shivers down my spine and at that moment I heard a roar. I turned my head around and saw that a car had hit a tree.

~ Chapter Twelve ~

I dropped everything I was holding and ran to the car. Smoke were coming out everywhere and when I opened the car-door I got trouble breathing. I pulled out the man in the frontseat and lay him gently on the ground. I went back to the car to find out if there was anyone left in the car, and just when I had turned around to walk away from there to the unconscious man, I heard a sound coming from the backseat. I got into the car and found out that the sound came from a puppy who was caught under the passengerseat. I slowly moved the chair and got the puppy out safe and secured. When I got out of the car, I saw that gas was dripping from the car and because I knew that the car could explode any minute, I pulled the man away from there. Just when I had put the man and puppy in safe, I saw the car explode and noticed that everyone was coming out of their houses. I spotted Kian all dressed up for tonight and tried to call his name, but I couldnÕt do it. Lucky me, Kian had seen me and ran up to me. "Are you okay Alex?" he took my hand and embraced me. "Mum is calling the ambulance right now, so donÕt worry youÕll be fineÉ" I interrupted him. "Kian! IÕm fine, but he isnÕt." I said and pointed at the man. "Help me to get him in the right position, will you?" It didnÕt take long for the ambulance to arrive and when the ambulance-men saw the man they put him on a litter as soon as they could and drove him to the closest hospital. The fire-engine had arrived short after the ambulance and they were now busy turning the fire out. I stood next to Kian with the puppy in my arms and tried to make it calm down. It was shaking and I stroke its back and felt how a tear fell from my eye. Kian put his arms around me and held me tight for a long time. "Alex, IÕm staying with you tonight!" Kian said softly and kissed my forehead. "No!" I pushed him away from me." I donÕt want you to be with me. I want you to go and party with Mark." I said and dried my tears. "You donÕt know it do you?" "Now what?" "I didnÕt say it earlier because I didnÕt want you to be more upset, but that man, in the car, was and is MarksÕs father. I donÕt think heÕs up for partying tonight. Do you?" "No, not reallyÉ" I looked at Kian and he looked at me. "SoÉ" he said "SoÉwhat?" "The offer still standsÉ" "You donÕt give up do you?" He laughed. "No, I guess not. What do you say then?" "Let me seÉif I say no, youÕll go on trying to persuade me, and if I say yes, youÕll stop. The answer is kind of obvious isnÕt it?" "Is that a yes?" I nodded. "IÕll go and rent a movie and then IÕll be back, ok?" He said. "Ok, and if you want you can change clothes. You donÕt have to be all that dressed up." He gave me another hug and went back to his own house. Me and the puppy went back to my house and I gave it some food and water before I let it out on the backyard. I went upstairs and took a quick shower. When I came out I heard the phone ringing so I ran downstairs and picked up the phone.

~ Chapter Thirteen

~ "Hello?" I said with the breath stuck in my throat. "Hi sweetheart." It was my motherÕs voice. "Hi mum. How is he?" "HeÕs better, but heÕs not good. Is everything okay with you?" I told her everything. About the car, the man and also about the puppy. "SweetheartÉI didnÕt know. Are you alright?" "IÕm fine mum. KianÕs coming over soon. He kept trying to persuade me to let him stay with me tonight. I had told him about your dad and when that with the car happened he just wouldnÕt leave me alone." "Well. HeÕs a nice guy. Hold on to him." Suddenly I heard the doorbell so I told my mum that I had to go. "Ok, then. But keep in touch, and Jimmy is saying that you shouldnÕt do anything he would do." "Promise. Bye." I went out to the hall and opened the door. "Hi, Kian. Come on in." He raised one of his eyebrows and gave me a rascal look. "What did you have in mind for tonight?" I looked at him and didnÕt understand a bit, but then it hit me. I was only wearing a towel. "WellÉI canÕt tell you. It will ruin everything. Make yourself at home and IÕll be right back." I went in to my room and put on a tracksuit cause I wasnÕt in the mood for doing all that with myself, and I couldnÕt find a reason why I should do it anyway, so I put on what felt right. It had been a rough day and it felt good to just be able to relax and watch a movie and talk about things that had happen to someone who I knew. But wanted to get to know more. When I came down, Kian was sitting on the floor, playing with the puppy. He smiled and seeing Kian with the dog, smiling, made me warm good inside. Maybe my destiny was to live in Sligo. I had got used to the place, and not to forget, the people. Especially oneÉ "The two of you are very cute together." I said. Kian hadnÕt noticed that I had been watching him. So he turned around looking very surprised, and not to mentionÉhappy that I had come back. "Well itÕs a sweet puppy." He looked at me. "Damn! You have put on clothes. I thought you and I wouldÉyou knowÉplay the ÔgameÕ!" My eyes got big as flying saucers, but I knew that he was only kidding with me. "Sorry, itÕs just that IÕm not in the mood tonight. Tomorrow, maybeÉ?" He smiled, got up from the floor and stood now so close to me that I almost could feel his heart beat. "Well, well, you never know do you?" I didnÕt answer him because I didnÕt know what to say. I sat down on the sofa and Kian joined me. "What movie did you rent?" I said as I poured up a glass Coca-Cola to me and Ki. "I didnÕt know what you preferred, so I just picked one. I got ÔFour weddings and a funeralÕ. Ave you seen it?" "Yes, I have, but I love the soundtrack to it. ÔLove is all aroundÕ is my favourite. You know the one by Wet Wet Wet. ItÕs such an amazing song!" I said. "Yes, indeed it is." I pushed the button ÔplayÕ on the VCR remote and the film began. Kian pulled me closer to him so I lay in his arms. He was warm and I could feel his heart beat. The puppy jumped up in my lap and placed itself there. I remember that the funeral had been in the film, but then I fell asleep, so I didnÕt see anymore of it. Subconscious I heard Kian say following to the puppy when it started to din. "SchhhhÉlet that wonderful girl get some sleep. She has been through so many things and IÕm afraid to tell her how I feel about her. IÕm afraid that it will ruin our friendship." My breathing became heavier, but of the fact that Kian didnÕt want to wake me up, he let me sleep and watched me all night long. The next morning when I woke up, the sun was shining and I felt better than I had done for a long time. Maybe it was because I had such a good friend in Kian and I could talk to him about everything. Or maybe it was because I had had some time for myself. I smelled something fresh coming from the kitchen, but who was there? I looked around in the room and realised that I was in the living-room and I was laying in the sofa. It took me a while but then I remembered everything. The football-field, the man, the crashing car and the puppy, and also me and Kian watching a movie here in my living-room. I sat up and saw the puppy coming towards me waving its tail, and also Kian coming with a tray in his hands. He was whistling on a tune and his entire face was shining, but when he saw that I was awake he stopped.

~ Chapter Fourteen ~

"Alex, youÕre suppose to be sleeping!" he said with a childish voice. "Sorry! Get back in the kitchen, and I will go to sleep again, okay?" Kian nodded and went back to the kitchen. I lay down on the sofa again and pretended that I was sleeping. He started to whistle again and when I heard him I smiled to myself. I was thinking if this was really happening, and it was. A few seconds later he came into the living-room, placed the tray on the table and kissed me softly on my forehead to make me wake up. "Wake up sleepyhead! We have loads of things to do today, but first youÕd better eat breakfast." I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing I was met by was his wonderful, deep, blue eyes. I looked at him and smiled, and when I saw what was on the tray I smiled even more. "Who told you I love strawberries!? This was exactly what I wanted. How did you know?" "I guessedÉ" "No, you didnÕt. Who told you? I bet it was my sister. Am I right?" "How could she tell me that you love strawberries when sheÕs not even here in Ireland?" "Have you heard of the phone? I t was invented more than hundred years agoÉ" "IÕm not sure, but does it look like a banana? Is it something you hold to your ear and another thing you talk in?" "Yes, it is." "Ok, then I know what a phone is. But no, your sister hasnÕt called. She told me that the other day. Now go on. We havenÕt got all day." I smiled and started to eat my strawberries and everything else that Ki had fixed for me. I saw that he was longing for one of the berries and I decided to give him a hard time so I ate them even slower and showed him that I really enjoyed eating strawberries in the morning. He looked really cute when he was sitting on the table watching me and licked his lips once every twenty second. "Do you want one of theseÉ?" I asked him while I held a big red strawberry in front of him. He licked his lips once more and looked then right in my eyes. "Can I?" "Sure. I see that you are longing for one. Here take it." I said and gave it to him. "Thanks honey. I donÕt know what I would do if I hadnÕt have you around me all the timeÉ" I looked at him and smiled and he smiled back. "How are you doing?" he asked "Well, I donÕt know. Everything that has happened the last days have just been too much. IÕm really glad that you are here. It means so much to me!" "You know that I wouldnÕt want it in another way!" he said and gave me a big, warm and gentle hug. "Go on and eat your breakfast and IÕll take the puppy for a walk. Have you got a name for him yet?" "Yeah, Snoopy. He was watching Snoopy at the TV yesterday and it looked like he liked it." Ok, cool. Come on Snoopy. Lets go." The dog ran over to Kian and started to jump all around him. I laughed when I saw the look on KianÕs face, and then they were gone. "The puppy has left the building!" I heard Kian say from outdoors, and I started to laugh again. I went in to the kitchen and cleaned up the plates and cup I had been using. I went into my room and changed clothes and when I was ready Kian had come back. "Are you ready to go?" he asked whilst he was playing with Snoopy. "Yepp, and you?" "IÕm so ready as one can be. So lets go." We walked out in the hall, and Snoopy followed us. " Snoopy, you canÕt come with us." Ki said. "Why not?" "WeÕre going to the hospitalÉ." I interrupted him. "Éto see MarkÕs dad right?" "Yeah, and pets arenÕt allowed there." I hugged Snoopy. "Sorry sweetie. You must stay here, but weÕll be back soon." I turned to Kian. "Wait here and IÕll let him out on the backyard." I didnÕt want to leave Snoopy, but I had no choice. Pets werenÕt allowed at the hospital and we couldnÕt let him stay with Patricia because they had a cat in their house. After a while I had let him out and me and Kian were on our way to the hospital to see how MarkÕs dad, Oliver, was. When we came to the hospital people were running around and it all seemed a bit chaotic. We asked one of the nurses who wasnÕt running around looking like a frightened chicken, which room Oliver was in, and she told us. When we got there, Mark and the rest of his family were there. Mark came up to me and kissed my cheek. "Hi Mark! How are you?" "IÕm fine, thank you. And you? Are you okay?" "Yeah, thanks for asking. HowÕs your dad?" "HeÕs still unconscious, but heÕs better than yesterday. I forgot to call you yesterday, to say thank you for saving him." Now everyone who was in that room turned their heads to me. "Are you the one who saved my husband?" Marks mother asked.

~ Chapter Fifteen ~

"Yes, I am." I shook her hand. "Hi Alexandra." She smiled. "Hi, Marie. I owe you so much. If you hadnÕt been there, he wouldnÕt be alive, and I wouldnÕt know what to do. Thank you so much." "YouÕre so much welcome! I think anyone would have done the same thing that I did. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time." "I guess youÕre right. By the way, he has said something about a ÔpuppyÕ a few times. Do you know what he means?" "Yes, I do. In the back of the car, there was a puppy. A black Labrador. HeÕs at my place, and I call him Snoopy." I whispered. "I think itÕs a present to your sons, and that he wants to say it himself so donÕt say anything, ok? I donÕt want to be the one who spoiled everything. The puppy is alright and if you would like to see him someday you can just call Kian. I live at the same street as he does, so itÕs not so far away from here." "Okay. IÕll do that tomorrow then. And again, thank you!" "No problems." I looked at the man in the hospital-bed. He looked so pale with all those tubes around him. His condition wasnÕt critical but it wasnÕt either stabilised. I knew what they were going through and it wasnÕt something you did every day. I felt pity for Mark and his family. Losing someone you truly loved didnÕt make you feel good. I knew and I hoped that Oliver would survive. After a little while Kian and I decided to get going, so we said goodbye to Barry, Colin, Mark and Marie. I prayed that Oliver would survive cause one death was enough for me. After we had left the hospital Kian wrapped his arm around me. I looked at him and I could see that he was sad. Mark was one of his best friends and he felt sorry for him too. Neither one of us said a word when we were walking down the streets. We didnÕt need to say anything because there wasnÕt anything who needed to be said. "I thought weÕd go and see one of my friends. HeÕs working right now, but I think he can take a break. DonÕt you?" I couldnÕt say anything cause there was something that made my heart heavy, so I just nodded. "Are you okay Alex? Tell me if something is wrong. Can you promise me that? It doesnÕt matter when on the day it is. Whenever you need to talk to someone, IÕm here." I felt how my heart bled. The car-accident with MarkÕs father had made all memories of my fathers death come back. "I miss him so, Kian!" "Who? Your father?" I nodded and Kian drew me closer to him and just held me in his strong arms. "DonÕt worry Alex, everything is going to be alright." I looked up, and saw his wonderful blue eyes that always made me feel good. "You will feel better when you have ate something Mae have cooked." "Mae? ShaneÕs mother? "Yepp." I smiled. "ThatÕs my girl! Come on, lets go." We started to walk again and after ten minutes we were at the cafŽ. "IÕll get a table, and you go and find Shane." I said. "If you say so." Kian went away to go and find Shane and just as I said, I would go and get a table. I found one not so far away from where I had left Kian and right after I had seated myself on the chair next to the table, Kian and his friend, Shane, were standing in front of me. "Alex, this is Shane." I had been reading a magazine so I hadnÕt seen ShaneÕs face. I looked up, and when I saw Shane, my heart stopped beating and my face turned all white. "Hi pumpkin!" Shane said. I couldnÕt breathe and didnÕt know what to do so I ran away from the two lads. "What was that all about?" Shane asked Kian looking really surprised. "Did I say something wrong? What a first impression we got of each other!" "I have no idea! IÕd better go and check how she is. IÕll be right back." Ki said. "Okay."

~ Chapter Sixteen

~ Tears were running from my eyes, and they never seemed to end. When I saw Shane, I thought it was my father standing in front of me. But it couldnÕt be, cause my father was dead and therefor I had thought it was a ghost standing there saying the exact word that my father always did. I didnÕt hear or see Kian coming, but when I heard his voice and felt his strong arms around me, I cried even more. "SchhhÉdonÕt cry." He tried to comfort me. "Tell me. WhatÕs wrong?" I looked at him. "ItÕs a long story, Kian. You donÕt want to hear it." "Yes I do. If I didnÕt, I wouldnÕt have asked, would I?" He dried my tears, and I told him why I had run off like that. "You know my father..?" He nodded. "What about him?" "When I was little, actually, through my entire childhood, well when dad was still alive thatÕll say, he always said Ôhi pumpkinÕ to me." "But what has that to do with Shane?" "I knew you would ask that." I took a deep breath. "My father and Shane are identical. They are almost copies of each other." I picked up my wallet from my bag, took out a photo of my dad and gave it to Kian. "That is why I reacted the way I did. I thought it was my father standing in front of me." He gave me back my photo. "I didnÕt know. IÕm sorry." "DonÕt be. You havenÕt done anything and neither has Shane." I said. "Are you ready to face Shane again then?" "I have to. I have to explain everything to him so he donÕt think IÕm a basket-case or something." We went back in and I apologised to Shane for my behaviour and for what I had done. "IÕm sorry for the way I behaved. ItÕs just that you are a copy of my dad, and he always said Ôhi pumpkinÕ to me. My father is dead so thatÕs why I reacted the way I did." Shane gave me a hug, a big hug and told me that everything was okay. "ItÕs okay. I understand why you got upset, but everything will be fine. Just see me as your friend and not like a ghost, ok? I smiled. "Thanks. I willÉsee you as my friend thatÕll say." "I didnÕt mean to scare you. Can you ever forgive me?" Shane said. I started to laugh. "Sure, but it might take some time." "Excuse me, I have to get some fresh air." Kian said and went out of the cafŽ. Shane and I looked like two goofballs were we stood. "What happened?" I asked Shane. "I donÕt know. IÕd better go and check it out. Please sit down, and IÕll be right back with Kian." Shane went out to Kian and I sat down. "Ki, where are you?" Shane said when he was standing outside the cafŽ. "Leave me alone. Go back to Alex. You two were looking so cute together." Kian said sarcastically. Shane turned around and saw Kian sitting on a chair behind him. "Give it up mate! WhatÕs wrong with you?" "WhatÕs wrong with me? WhatÕs wrong with you? I told you inside that the feelings I have for her is more than just friendship. So why do you have to flirt with her?" Shane felt like a fool. "Flirt? With Alex? Sure she is a beautiful girl. And if you didnÕt fancy her I would probably make a move on her. But she is forbidden area for me. IÕm sure she feels the same for you, so tell her how you feel. YouÕve got nothing to lose." It was quiet for a little while but then Kian opened his moth again. "Sorry for being such a dick. ItÕs just thatÉyou know how I getÉyou know me when I start fancying someone." "I definitely do. Come on, sheÕs waiting." While the two mates had been outside, I had got a phone call from my mum. She had some news, and if she had said those six words a month ago, I would have been thrilled, but now when I had fallen in love again, I got sad. I didnÕt cry, but my heart was heavier than the last time. When Kian and Shane got back they both noticed that I was feeling low, I wasnÕt the usual cheerful me and Ki noticed that immediately. "Alex, whatÕs wrong now?" I looked at him. "You wonÕt believe me." "What now?" "While you and Shane were outside, I got a phone-call from my mother. WeÕre movingÉ"

~ Chapter Seventeen

~ Kian looked really scared but then he started to laugh. "Ha, ha, very funny Alex. I suppose youÕre having a real blast now. You almost got me there." I didnÕt move a muscle and when Ki saw that, it was his turn to turn all white. You are not smiling, and you are not laughing. Is it true Alex? Are you moving?" I nodded. "YouÕre just moving to another part of Sligo, right? YouÕre not moving back to Sweden right?" "IÕm afraid so." Kian looked terrified. "Alex, you canÕt move. Not now. Not when IÕm so close." He looked at Shane. "Go on, tell her." Shane said "Why canÕt I move Ki?" "I donÕt want you to move cause I have fallen in love with you." I didnÕt believe what I heard. Everything went dizzy and I didnÕt hear a word of what he said. "So what do you say Alex?" Kian asked I got back to the real world again. "What?" "What do you say about moving in with me and my family?" "Even if I wanted to live with you and your love, itÕs impossible." "Why would it be impossible?" "First, IÕm in love with you tooÉ" He interrupted me. "So whatÕs the problem then?" "DonÕt you see that, that IS the problem. If I move in with you, we will see each other 24/7 and that affect people in a lot of ways. And not to mention, what are we suppose to do when there is no more love, and you break up with me. I canÕt live with you then. It would drive me crazy to see you every day and not to be allowed to touch you in every way I want to touch you, and that I was used to touch you." I felt a tear fall from my eye. "Alex, I donÕt want to lose you!" "I donÕt want to lose you either, but you know what? You canÕt lose what you never had." I said and softly kissed his lips. "IÕm leaving tomorrow, and I need to be alone tonight." I heard him tremble while he spoke, and saw that tears were burning behind his eyelids and running down his cheeks. "So this is goodbye?" I couldnÕt bare saying ÔyesÕ, hurting him even more, so I just nodded. He kissed me on my lips and looked into my eyes with those heavenly blue eyes of his. His eyes were soaking wet from the tears he had been crying, and when I saw that I started to cry too. "DonÕt cry Alex. I donÕt want you to be sad." "I know, but I am! You are the best friend I have ever had, and you mean also more to me than a friend. The loneliness I will feel when IÕm leaving you, canÕt be described in words." "I will miss you too, and I canÕt believe that your mother is doing this to youÉ" he paused "Éagain." "IÕd better go. I have a lot of things to do. Tomorrow when I have left, can you give Snoopy to Mark? I know that Snoopy can make Mark feel good again. HeÕs helped meÉ" I kissed Kian one last time and gave Shane a hug. "IÕll leave the key under the flowerpot." I said to Kian and went then out of there. I had left my heart in KianÕs hand, and I wondered if I would ever see him again after I had left Ireland. When I got back home I took Snoopy for a walk. He noticed that I was feeling low and tried his best to cheer me up. "ItÕs no use Snoop. Now when I have learned to love again, I have to move. Why is it only bad things happening to me?" "Alex, wait up!" I heard someone screaming. I turned around and saw someone coming towards me. "Leave me alone. I thought I made that clear." I said and continued walking. "Alex, itÕs Mark." I turned around and waited for him to catch up with me. "Why didnÕt you stop?" I didnÕt say anything. "Okay, I see. I talked to Kian two minutes ago and he told me. How are you?" Mark said as I started walking again. "IÕve been better. You?" "IÕm alright now. My dad has just woken up and he asked for the one who saved his life, and he also asked for the puppy. Is that the one?" "Yes, he is. I call him Snoopy." "HeÕs adorable. Cool name by the way." "Did your father say why he wanted to meet me?" "No, but I think he wants to thank you. I called Kian cause I thought you would be with him, but you werenÕt. Anyway, will you come to the hospital with me?" "Sure, IÕd love to. Just let me leave Snoop at home first."

~ Chapter Eighteen ~

When we got back to the hospital we went straight in to OliverÕs room. "DadÉThis is Alexandra. She was the one who rescued you." "Hello Alexandra. I have you to thank for my life." I smiled but inside my heart bled. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked. "By just taking care of Snoopy for me. I have got attached to him these last days and it breaks my heart that I have to leave." "Are you moving?" Marie asked. "Yes, although I donÕt want to. ItÕs just that my grandfather got a heart-attack and he needs some help with the medication so my mum has to be there to help him." "I see. But you will come back some day to visit us?" Oliver asked "Of course I am. I have left my heart hereÉ anyway it was nice meeting all of you, but I have to get back home. I have to pack some things before I leave tomorrow." "So soon? Well, well. Call me someday, okay? HereÕs my numberÉ." "Sure Mark. Bye everyone." I walked out of the room, but before I was out of sight I turned around again and said to Mark. "Mark, tell Ki that if I had had a choice, I would have stayed here." He nodded and that was the last thing I saw of them before I left the hospital. When I got back home I saw a bouquet laying on the doorstep. I picked them up and walked into the kitchen where I opened the bouquet slowly. I saw that a card was attached to one of the ten red roses so I picked it up and started reading. When I saw what it was I started to cry. It was a photo of Kian with his wonderful blue eyes and that gorgeous smile of his. On the back of the photo it said: "ÕAn ruid a l’onas an tsœil l’onann sŽ an croi!Õ It is Irish and means; what fills the eye fills the heart. Think of it once in a while and remember all the fun we had. Though weÕre apart, youÕll always be in my heart. I love you! Kian" I took a deep breath , trying to calm down but it wasnÕt the easiest thing to do. I was shaking and criedÉagain. I didnÕt know how many tears I had cried the last day but it was definitely more tan I had cried for a whole year. It was bad enough that mum had done this to me once, and I couldnÕt believe that she did it again. She had promised me that she wouldnÕt do a such thing again when we left Sweden the first time, but she didnÕt keep that promise and I wondered what was wrong with her. At that moment, when I was on my way in to my room the phone ran. I walked out to the living-room and answered. "Alex." "Hi sweetheart." "Hi mum. What do you want?" "I was just checking that everything was okay with you and that you hadnÕt forgotten about tomorrow." "How could I?" "DonÕt go there Alex." "Why wouldnÕt I? When we left Sweden, I thought that I wasnÕt able to love again, and I wasnÕt. Not until I met KianÉ" "I didnÕt mean toÉ" "Let me finish, please. You were the one who told me to hold on to him and now youÕre taking him away from me. Why? Why are you doing this to meÉgain?" "I donÕt want to have this conversation over the phone, and I donÕt want to discuss this now. WeÕll talk tomorrow, when you arrive." "Yeah, yeah. Whatever." "See you tomorrow, and get some sleep now. Good night!" "Bye." I was so frustrated. No, I take that back, I wasnÕt frustrated, I was pissed off. My mum had broke my heart, and she didnÕt sat that she was sorry or so about it. Was it something I had done? I couldnÕt find a reason, and I didnÕt care anymore. Was I ever going to live a normal life and have a boyfriend of my own? Or was my mum always going to ruin my relationships? The next-coming day I would leave with flight 341 to Stockholm and the plane would take off at 3 PM. I went to bed right after I had brushed my teeth. I lay on my side and watched the clock as the seconds became minutes. I couldnÕt sleep. My head was filled with thoughts of Kian, and my heart was filled with tears.

~ Chapter Nineteen

~ I woke up the next morning with Snoopy licking me in my face, telling me he had to go out or he would do it inside on the carpet. I got up from bed and slowly put on my clothes. My nose started to itch and in some way I knew that Kian was thinking of me. When we got out the sun was shining and all the birds were singing. It was a lovely day and when I looked at my watch I saw that it was only 7.15 AM. I looked at Snoopy running around and I decided to take him for a longer walk this morning than I would have done. It was my last day in Sligo, so I went around in town, trying to find a place where both Snoopy and I could sit down and cool ourselves. I didnÕt think there was an open store anywhere just because it was so early in the morning. But I found a place where I bought an ice-cream to myself and a bottle of water to Snoopy. We sat down in a park and after I had given Snoop the water he lay down next to my feet. I closed my eyes for a little while and when Snoopy started to bark I opened them again. He had seen another dog coming in our direction and when the guy with the dog came closer I saw that it was Shane. "Hi pumpkin!" he said as he sat down beside me, and this time I didnÕt react. I just smiled. "Hi Shane! How are you?" "Fine thanks. And you? You must go through a hell right now." "I do. But I donÕt know what to do. I meanÉif I could, I would stay here, but I canÕtÉIt breaks my heart to not be able to see him anymore, Shane!" "I see. If thereÕs anything I can doÉIÕm willing to do it." "There is actually one thing that you can doÉ" "What?" "Give this to Ki, itÕs my phone-number and address and tell him that I love him." "IÕm sure that he knows that already, but IÕll do that. Anything else?" "Yeah, take good care of him, and you too of course! I have Marks number, so I will call him someday. IÕll be back someday to see how you are doing, so take good care of each other till then." "We will." "I got to go now. My taxi is coming soon." "Ok, but let us now how you are doing, ok?" "No problems. ThatÕs the least I can doÉ" He kissed my cheek and gave me a big hug. "Even though I donÕt know you as much as Kian does, I want you to know that I love you. You are a really nice girl and we will all miss you! Bye Alex." "Bye Shane." And with that I went back home with Snoop next to me. When I came home I saw that the post had come and when I looked through it to see if there was anything to me, I saw that one of the letters had come wrong. It was KianÕs letter. I couldnÕt face him so I put the letter on the kitchen-table and wrote a little note to him. "Dear Kian! When you are reading this, IÕll probably be on the plane on my wayÉhome. If thatÕs what you can call itÉ Shane has a letter to you and when he gives it to you, make sure that you do as it tells you to do. Take care of Snoopy, because just as you he is one of the most precious things/people I know. I love you! Yours forever, Alexandra!" ~

Chapter Twenty ~

Why did it hurt so much? I was in love with a guy and he loved me back. I had to leave him and my heart was broken. I felt like I had been stabbed over and over again. About an hour later the taxi arrived and when I said goodbye to Snoopy and left him in my house, with enough food and water, I felt worse than ever. But I had no choice. I couldnÕt stay, even if I wanted to. The taxi-driver took my bags and when I locked the door the phone rang. I didnÕt hear it, so I seated myself in the backseat of the taxi and looked over to KianÕs house one last time before the car drove away from Sligo, to take me to Dublin. At the same moment as the car drove away, someone left an answer on our answering-machine. That someone was Kian. "Hi, itÕs Ki. I hoped I would be able to catch you before you left, but I guess I was to lateÉagain. I want you to know that none if these thing that has happen is your fault Alex. You take everything with a heelkick and nothing is never to hard for you. You did what you had to do and I truly respect and admire you for that. You know where you can find me, and always remember that I love you!" I had left the flowers I had got from Kian in my room in Sligo, but I had brought the card. I thought of Kian and looked at the photo when I was sitting in the taxi and suddenly the driver started to talk to me. "Broken heart?" he asked I looked up. "Yeah, how did you know?" "IÕve been young too. But that was a long time ago. When my wife died a few years ago I thought I would never love again just because I loved her so much. But I did. And now IÕm married again. Life and love are two wonderful things. You just need to take care of them and everything will be fine.